A long time ago….

A long time ago…..

Gifts from Our Lord!

As a young girl….and as a young adult….  As a mature person….and as a middle-aged one……

I guess for most of my life, I have wondered….”Lord?..what is my gift?…tell me what to do?….I need a talent…a gift….a path!”

Well….I think….we can choose maybe anything that makes us happy, makes us smile…and is necessary for our world.  It took me a lifetime to figure this out…and although I contributed much in trying over the years…I had no major direction.

You might say, what a waste….what a loss….she never used what she was given…..

I think…and I say….oh contrare!….God gave me love for all things….all peoples….all animals….all!  I check out much!  I enjoyed much!  I loved much!   I think I did ok!  God gave me a full palette of many colors.  And I have only touched on a few with many more to go.  This lifetime will be far too short to do it all….but I will do all that I can to enjoy, investigate, and experience…..the colors.

Maybe you are a singer….an educator…a secretary….or a doctor….but I….I am a lover of the colors of all….I am here to express how truly beautiful….it ALL is!

Maybe….anyway….I will continue…with what is on my palette…until or unless….the Lord hands me a new one.

Flowers, butterflies, and fairies….

It is that time of year…..Slowly the flowers and leaves poke up out of the ground…attracting the caterpillars as they hatch from their eggs.  Soon the caterpillars will eat their fill and will spin a wonderful cocoon to slowly but surely morph into butterflies.

Hidden among the butterflies….if you look closely enough….you might find the fairies….

Winged wonders of imagination that say….the last life cycle is complete….we will play, dance, sing, and flutter….until time to hide again for the winter…..beginning all over again and again….in the spring.

“Red and Yellow and Pink and Green….Purple and Orange and Blue….
You can sing a rainbow”….and just maybe….see the fairies.

It’s that “trust” thing again!

Trust:  belief that someone, something, is reliable, honest, effective….etc.

I like that definition…effective.  I can (believe) that”they” will do whatever will “produce the desired outcome”.  Awesome…sort of clear.

Oops…I used the word “believe”….”to accept as true”.

(all definitions are from Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary)

Is it coming together for you?  I think it means…leaning back, shutting up, giving way, handing over…the responsibility of a thing.

Responsibility?  2a.  a duty or task that you are required or expected to do.

OH!  I get it, I get out of the responsible part…and get to go straight to the done part.  awesome!

But, the kicker is…I am afraid.  My ethical part is counting on all things being done “right”…”correctly”…etc.  That trust part.  Darn…..

I trust the sun to come up, I trust the darkness to be next, I trust the ocean  to stay where it is, the land to stay where it is, the stars to be shining, birds to fly, etc.  But I have the hardest time with this trusting “my stuff” to God.  (My little, puny, inconsequential, STUFF to God. )

Sounds rather idiotic if you put it like that.  Maybe it isn’t a trust thing at all…maybe it is a CONTROL thing…..hmmmmm.

That, my friends is another story!

Listening to the Music.

Many friends, send me “You Tube” songs to hear…many….I have never heard before.

Some songs are joyous…frivolous…fun!  Some songs are dark, sorrowful, and sad.   I hear hope in one…and loss of hope in another.  The songs fly through all the many emotions and feelings.  Here….there….and here again.  I am one…I am none…I am all…what is this?

Listening to one today, by John Lennon…I realized…I do not hear John in this…I do not know what is his dream from this….I hear mine.  I see mine…I dream, mine.

This is truly sent from God.  My God or your God or their God….sent…through this man, maybe….but sent none the less.

And I realize…all good, all bad, all up, all down…..all of it….is given…..all of it….is sent.

Which way is forward....which way is back.

Did you ever Have?

Did you ever Have?.

God and His awesome sense of humor.

Scene With Head Bowed

Last night, I was awake…lying quietly…thinking. My neck had been really bad again. I have some type of nerve damage I guess…and every so often, the right move (or wrong one), sets the pain off again.
I of course often lay quietly and use the time to talk in my mind to God. I of course asked Him…what is with this pain? I have had one kind of pain or another…it seems all my life? Why me?
I could hear, as clearly as if God spoke in my bedroom…”You have much to learn, little one.” I was dumbfounded of course. I am thinking …can’t you just show me in the Bible? do I have to have all this pain?
The pain in my neck and back of my head…made me keep my head down…almost looking to the ground. The only way I could really be comfortable…and I thought…what is this teaching me. and again…clear as a bell….”you need to learn some humility, little one.”…..
Next time the pain is intense and I find myself miserable…I plan on looking at what it might really be….a message from God….to His “little one”.

What is important in your faith?

Faith.  Hope. Dreams. Wishes. Love. Beliefs.

All the above…and more perhaps.  Faith is hard to put into a definition…into a category…into a shape or mold.  Faith is that inside of us, that guides our actions, our goals, our plans, our social behaviors…It is the “bigger than life” part…the “all or nothing” part..the “to the stars and back” part.

There is nothing in faith to draw, write down, cook, develop, sing, etc.  Yet, it takes faith…to do all those things.  Faith that the pencil will do what you move it to do…faith that the food will become what you expect it to after being cooked…faith that you can invent, form, etc…and it will work….faith that your mouth and throat (etc.) will issue melodies.  There is something, in everything, unknown and taken for granted. That is faith.

To me, it is faith in all things back to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost.  That is my choice and my faith.  That is what is important to my faith.

You? Faith is something you must determine for yourself.  We have all been given free will to choose.  Faith is one thing no one can predetermine for you…no one can force on you…no one can even know what you mean by it….Faith is yours.

I beg you, caution you, do not assume a faith for yourself lightly.  Expect to study, delve into, experience with, all that you consider.  I have.  I chose Christianity, not lightly, not capriciously….but after much study and much earnest thought.

My faith brings joy to my life; it lifts my very soul to the stars.  My faith gives me a past, a present and a future that I cherish. My faith gives me my strength, my purpose, my love, my desires, my….everything.

I wish all these for you.  I pray that you find your faith.  I hope your soul reaches the stars.

Cacophonic

My new word for the day.  Love this word.

Know folks who “grate” on you?  I do.  I have them in my family. I was raised in Cacophony(discord)…and I learned it very well.

How do you deal with it?  Heck,  I did not even know about it.  I thought is was “modern, righteous, upscale, perspicacious.”   I had no idea it was all coming from unhappiness and inabilities to cope.  I copied…I mimicked…I became.  I was good at it…and loved the founders of it…my prestigious Aunt etc.

I have no clue why it started to “grate”…and show itself as cacophonic.   I only know I reached a point where I could not handle it…take it…deal with it…be silent about it…any longer.

I did not see that coming.  Honestly!  My perfect world, my organized and acceptable world, fell completely apart.

It has been almost a year.  I have been “kicked to the curb” by many of my “known” cacophonists. (new word…love it…) Yet, I am strangely very happy about the freedom I am experiencing.  One of my favorite phrases now, taken from my son(who seemed to know all about this always)  is…”does it matter, anyway?”  Sort of like my favorite poetess….Mary Engelbreit, in her famous words…”Get over it and Get on with it!”.

Do I feel guilty about loosing my “past”?  Of course I do!  But, as in all things….God was there first and gave us these words…”Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him.”  Titus 3: 10

So I will continue on my path, ( which is becoming clearer every day).  Do I believe the “cacophonists” are lost?  Not at all…I just know it is not MY place to try to deal with them.

Cast the first stone.

“They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then He stooped down and wrote again in the dust.”  John 8:7-8

Thou shalt not commit adultery.  The law clearly said it.  And here she was…an adulteress.  What in the world was she to do?  Caught…and now death surely was coming…and she was so young.  Why are they asking Him and why is He taking so long to answer?  I am dying here…help me.

I can imagine all these thoughts running through her mind…nervous…frightened…needing hope.

And then Jesus breaks the silence….”All right then, let us stone her…that is the law….but hey…let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”  I bet you could have heard the proverbial pin drop.  And Jesus?  knelt down and went back to drawing in the dirt…calmly…peacefully…quietly.

She was dying here!  Where are you, Man?  Can you not see I need help?  She fidgeted..and twisted maybe….maybe she even swore quietly to herself.  What the heck was she to do now?

Slowly Jesus stood up….and she realized they were all that was left.   What is He going to do to me?  Have I jumped from the pan to the fire?

“Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” He asked? “No Lord” she answered.

And then Jesus said….”Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”(verses 10-11)

It must have taken her a few moments to realize what was happening.  “I am not going to die today”.  What a rush of happiness, a profound sense of hope! I bet she darted off as soon as Jesus turned aside…but later… I can see her easing along the outskirts of the crowd that day…just to hear what this “Jesus” had to say….can’t you?  And then it says in verse 30…”And many who heard Him were saved that day.”  Can you not see her in the crowd of believers?  Can you not see …..yourself?